A friend on FB ask for us to post our most cherished moment in 2014. I couldn’t think of any. My mom died and that was that. I was there with her when she passed. Both of my parents are gone and I had to sell their house. That didn’t make for a cherished moment.
I was mad that me and my mom didn’t become friends like I wanted to. I was mad that people were asking if they can have this and that of my mom’s. I was mad at other things that I can’t write about in this blog, but I am now at peace.
Most of all, I’m glad that mom is no longer suffering. It was hard to see her in such bad condition. I’m glad that she had awesome friends that took care of her when she was sick. I would be so blessed to have friends like she did. I’m glad that it only took 4 months to sell the house. I’m sad that my mom had anxiety and chose not to live life to the fullest.
My dad was depressed when he died. He made up his own heath rules and didn’t listen to the doctor. He had many chances to change and reverse his diabetes, but for whatever reason, he chose not to change. After he retired his health deteriorated. Now that both of my parents are gone there is a sense of emptiness.
I stayed in my mom’s house after she died to clean it out and again, it was just an empty house, very quiet. Someone now lives there. It was the house I grew up in. I do also feel a sense of freedom from my mom’s control. That week that I was by myself in the house it was nice that I didn’t have to tell anyone where I was going; nobody worried. Even as an adult my mom always worried about me, but it was to the point that she wanted to control me. It was awful. When I went to the abandoned building on Long Island, I didn’t have to tell my mom where I was going! I felt free! She would have talked me out of going, like the times she had talked me out of going to the city. I missed out on a lot of things.
Well, I guess that’s the good part; I plan to live my life to the fullest, although it took me until the age of 45 to do this. How sad. I would never wish this life on anyone.
I do have my health, my family, a roof over my head. I’m planning to buy some camera equipment so I can live my life as a photographer. I’m using the money from selling the house to do this. I’m sure my mom is mad about this decision, but hey, I’m living my life now.
L'artiste Affamé (The Starving Artist) 